Hey, all. I thought it would be interesting to talk about who “takes charge” of your shidduchim. Do shadchanim contact you directly? Do you reach out to shadchanim on your own or does someone do it on your behalf? Who does shidduch research? How have things changed over the years? And are you happy with your current setup or are you ready to try something new?
In the beginning, my mother handled anything shidduch-related almost exclusively: listening to suggestions, scheduling meetings with shadchanim, doing research. That started to change when I was around 23-24, after I met some shadchanim on my own who I stayed in direct contact with. These days (upper 20’s), some people still reach out to my parents with shidduch suggestions for me, but I really prefer to be the contact person. When possible, my parents will direct people to me — I’d love if this were possible all the time, but it depends on the person’s relationship with me and my parents. I used to have only my mother’s contact info on my resume, then both of ours, and now it’s just mine — it’s a transition. I also prefer to be the one to decide whether to pursue an idea. I’m blessed with really great friends who pitch in and call references or play Jewish geography with their friends to get me information. I know my parents want to see me married and happy, but having space to do things my way allows me to set limits where I need to so I don’t feel stressed or pressured more than necessary.
I would love to hear your perspective on this topic.
