Sometimes it is hard for me to feel happy for someone else’s simcha, even when intellectually I want to be, and I care about their happiness. What is it? I had a few thoughts:
- Inadequacy/inferiority/self-doubt. What do they know that I don’t? What did they do right that I’m not doing? Why do they deserve this and not me? This arises especially often when younger people get engaged.
- Scarcity. All the normal guys are going to be taken. Who is left for me?
- Abandonment. Another friend who won’t be able to fully understand what I’m going through. Who will help me feel like I’m not alone? Who will be there for company and to do things with as long as I don’t have a family?
It is hard to not judge yourself for feeling anything but happiness for a friend, but feelings are messy. Sometimes we just have to ride the waves and feel it all, while reminding ourselves that everyone has a different journey — it happened for her at her time, and you are traveling your own winding road. And journaling out the thoughts and feelings always helps me!
