Chodesh tov!
After the whirlwind of the past few weeks, it’s Cheshvan — time to pull out the sweaters and hunker down for a nice, long stretch of routine. It occurs to me that Cheshvan is a great time to sit down with a steaming cup of tea and a notebook and figure out how to actualize the insights of the Yomim Noraim. (My cup. I know, right?? Full disclosure: I did not buy it myself.) Last night I did some impromptu art therapy and doodled a page of “what I want my year to look like.” It included things like journaling, learning, eating more of the foods that make me feel good, drinking water, getting into bed by 11:30, taking up meditation, continuing to work on relationship skills, getting outside, and my next fun project, getting into the dating coaching space. Maybe that will look like a series of posts, or a course, or who knows, but I’m going to give this more time when I’m finished with my break.
Aside from learning, does my list seem like something that came out of the Yomim Noraim? Because it really did 🙂 . I know the whole concept of self-care and self-love and such has been heavily processed and over-Pinterested, but so, so many of my (our?) struggles can be greatly alleviated by getting back to the basics. An OT taught me that sleep is at the base of emotional regulation, followed by hydration, followed by nutrition, followed by movement. So it’s well and good to want to be patient, optimistic, faithful, generous, and calm, but if those basics aren’t in place, you’re running up a down-escalator. And that’s not heroism, that’s a waste of energy. I think our surrounding culture (both Western, achievement-oriented culture and our own, often perfection-oriented culture) dismisses the necessity for deep and constant self-care in order to see the kind of behavior in ourselves that we want to see. But it’s not something small and it’s not a sign of weakness to make self-care a priority and to give a lot of thought to how you’re going to implement it.
Trying to be a hero without acknowledging your basic physical and emotional needs is like trying to stay dry in a downpour without opening an umbrella. You need an umbrella in a downpour because you just do. That’s the reality of the situation. It’s not because you’re doing something wrong.
I’m serious about that break so I won’t get into it so much now, but shidduchim is the kind of situation that calls for a lot of self-care and a lot of umbrella-opening and that’s not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s just the reality of the situation.
Here is a self-care assessment I got in one of my classes. Also, some self-care suggestions for the umbrella stand:
Sleep
- sleep hygiene
- bedtime
- making bedroom a haven
Hydration
- getting a big refillable drinking cup (this is the one I got in shalach manos)
Nutrition
- protein
- produce
- probiotics (got this trifecta from an OT)
- healthy fats
- vitamins and minerals
Movement
- 20 minute daily walk
- yoga
- Pilates – core strength is related to emotional regulation
- swimming
- dancing
- trampoline
Emotional
- having somewhere safe and free of judgement to express yourself
- meditation/mindfulness
- getting away for a change of scenery
- journaling
- doing things that make you laugh
- learning something new for fun
- creative expression – ex. collaging
The senses
- massage
- weighted blanket
- aromatherapy
- therapeutic music (talk to an OT about this – it’s music engineered to help you regulate, sleep, etc.)
Social connection
- friend date
- phone call
- teleconference
- game night
What would you add? How do you feel about self-care — necessary evil, over-hyped, love taking care of myself, none of the above?
