I get a bit startled when the calendar hits Tu B’Av and I’m not married. I guess it’s one of those markers of time. I decided a few years ago that when I get married, I will commemorate Tu B’Av each year as a special day (why not 🙂 ). There is a source for this that I read in the sefer V’Samachta B’Chagecha: Tu B’Av is the date that Hashem first decided to create Klal Yisroel, which was forty days before the beginning of Creation. This is a parallel to the Gemara that says that forty days before conception, a bas kol announces who the child will marry. The marriage between a man and woman is a mashal to the marriage between Hashem and Klal Yisroel. Therefore, the date of Tu B’Av is mesugal for the power of connection.
Tu B’Av is also (okay, primarily) a day when many people daven for shidduchim. I’m planning a trip to E”Y in the near future, so between that and Tu B’Av today I’ve been reflecting on all the spiritual efforts I and so many people expend on the road to the chuppah. To be honest, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to buy a ticket to E”Y this summer. I was struggling with the fear of — what if I go and have these amazing tefillah experiences and feel so good and then I come back and nothing changes? How will I keep going when it feels like nothing helps?
Then I thought of a metaphor: Shidduchim is like a giant game board, where you start at the beginning and your chosson waits at the end (actually, he’s playing his own game on the other side and making his way towards the middle). Every board is custom-designed with precision. The thing is, you never know where you are in relation to the rest of the board. Your objective is to keep rolling. Sometimes you’ll perform a task or go through something that takes you flying over ten spaces. Sometimes you’ll be parked in one space for a while, collecting energy points. You won’t always know exactly what you’re supposed to be doing on some spaces in the game, and sometimes it’ll be clear. Some tasks will be easy and even fun, while others will be a drag that have got to get done so you can keep moving forward. You just do your best to keep playing.
I thought, each time I daven, I’m moving my piece. All my tefillos are bringing me closer to my zivug, I just don’t know how many moves are left in the game. If I quit now, or get frozen with fear, I’ll never be able to get to the end. If I keep playing faithfully, I am bound to make progress.
The point is, it’s not a sign of failure if one move didn’t get you to the end of the game (even if it seems like it did for so many other people). Because the length of the game is not up to you.
Wishing you a meaningful Tu B’Av and a beautiful Shabbos Nachamu!
