Ok, did you read “Time-Out,” by Rikki Ehrlich, in last week’s Family First? I thought it was terrific! So creative and different and real and funny. I laughed my head off.
The story is about 31-year-old Shuli, who is invited to a shidduch retreat to take a “brake” from decision-making. She’s seriously dating someone and feeling stuck. The retreat is outside of time, meaning Shuli gets to take as long as she needs to recharge before going back to life at the moment she left. When she arrives at the Zone, she meets Chayala, Dafna, and Miriam, who are around her age and struggling with depression, heartbreak, and fear (to summarize in very short), and Gila, who is just post-seminary and claims to be at the Zone because her family is overly anxious about her starting shidduchim (seeing as her older sister got married at the advanced age of 23).
Interestingly, en route to the Zone, Shuli discovers that there is a men’s division as well. When she comments on how full it is, Mrs. Kokosh, director of the Zone, shares that there’s actually a waiting list and that “They have it worse, I sometimes think…”
Soon enough, Shuli discovers that Gila is really at the Zone because she has diabetes which her family hides, and she is terrified at the thought of starting shidduchim. What follows is Shuli’s fabulous reaction:
“And suddenly, I was furious…Furious at a system where this girl was a second-class citizen, furious at a society that relished, in an obscene sort of way, the melodrama of the “singles crisis,”…that fed the panic of parents terrified of navigating that system with their less-than-perfect child.
“‘You listen to me, Gila, and listen up good…They’re idiots, all of them! Society is one bumbling, massive idiot. Remember that, do you hear me?…it’s good. It’s okay. If you’re meant to be married at 20, that’s great. But if not – whenever it happens, you’re good…It happens when it’s supposed to and whenever that is, you’re good. There’s so much – there’s life hidden in those years, too.’”
Yayyy!
This story lends itself to so many great discussions! The role of frum society (specifically, the frum media) in perpetuating the fear surrounding shidduchim (and seemingly, with some degree of pleasure?), the need for self-care and checking in with yourself, confronting anxiety and depression, and the struggles of men in shidduchim.
In a very sweet twist, Shuli discovers that it was her almost-chosson who made the referral to Mrs. Kokosh and got her invited to the Zone, to help her along the process. (He himself had been in the Zone for years – remember, outside time). Shuli leaves, and (spoiler) it’s understood that she is going to get engaged.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could all slip outside time and take a break when things got overwhelming? The next best thing to that is to learn mindfulness and relaxation techniques so that we can access a quiet, peaceful place when we need to, even in the moment. (My friend recommends the Headspace app). I’d love to spend more time practicing, too.
Did you read the story? What are your thoughts?
