Occasionally, I take a look at the date on the calendar as if seeing it for the first time, and then blink. March 2018. Wait. Where did I think I would be now?
We set unwritten expectations for ourselves and the path life will take. The who, the where, and especially, the when. It’s understandable — we’re humans who like predictability and order. And even when it’s clear that we’ve gone off-script, off-“schedule,” long ago, we still find ourselves playing the finger game — if I end up going out with this guy and get engaged in five weeks and have a ten week engagement…when are the Three Weeks again? Okay, it’ll still be before I turn [blank].
We are bombarded with messages about what a “normal” life should look like. So much in our frum media — the personal essays, the short stories, the advice columns, and even the advertisements — promotes the assumption that milestones happen for people on a predictable schedule. The messages may be subtle and hard to pinpoint, but they’re there — whether it’s the ages of a protagonist and her children, details implying a certain lifestyle, or the particular brand of challenges the characters face in a given situation.
But how many people do you know who are struggling with shidduchim? With having children? With choosing a career path or finding a job? With buying a house or marrying off their children? Probably loads.
Because the truth is, there is no timeline against which to measure the progress of your life. If you are here, you are meant to be here. Hashem doesn’t make mistakes. “Normal” is an illusion. And if you are here, wherever you are, you can choose to do many things. During this stage and season of your life, what do you want to accomplish for yourself? What will help you grow into a greater, happier person, right where you are today?
If you are single, Hashem wants you to have this experience because it’s the best possible way for your neshama to grow right now. And there is plenty you can do to help yourself be ready and able to accept the yeshuah when it comes. But if you’re trying your best (and “best” is also between you and Hashem), you can trust that this is out of your hands.
Life happens on Hashem’s timeline. When we let ourselves accept that, when we surrender to Someone bigger than all of us, and trust that we will get to where we are meant to go — that is the greatest freedom there is.
Chag kasher v’sameach!! Rest up, enjoy the yummy food, and l’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim!!
