In the support group this week we talked about asking for support from family and friends. One group member shared that she doesn’t want to be a burden so she tells everyone she’s fine. Another shared that what got her through the most serious period of her illness was other people’s love. She added, “You can complain to people who love you and they’ll still love you.”
Culturally, I think we associate needing other people’s love and support with “being needy,” or desperate, or something unattractive and unhealthy. The truth is that we need other people. We are wired for connection and community and we are not designed to go through challenges alone. Other people’s assurance or presence or calm helps us calm. Other people’s nurturance helps us move through depression and find hope. Other people’s belief in us helps us mobilize.
A few months ago I was really struggling after a bunch of hard things happened at the same time. I was texting my sister about it and at one point she wrote, “I don’t think I have the right words to say to this.” I appreciated the honesty. I appreciated the respect for my pain. I appreciated not having to hear trite responses.
When people can’t do anything to fix a situation, it’s helpful to know they are there. That they believe in you, they are hurting for you, and they are holding onto hope for you.
P.S. I really enjoyed this podcast episode, and this post references the same book.
