Things are slowly getting back to normal where I live. Retail is starting to open, outdoor minyanim are fully operational, families are hosting their relatives for Shabbos. Social distancing and lockdowns are reversing themselves, and it looks like Zoom dating may no longer be entirely necessary in the near future. This would seem to be good news.
I am anxious about this.
Not because of COVID. I am b”H not at-risk and hopefully, hopefully the people who are will continue to exercise precautions and be safe. I am anxious because I’m not ready to go back to normal. I have so embraced this break from reality. No, I haven’t been productive, I haven’t accomplished virtually anything on my lockdown bucket list, I haven’t evolved in ways I’d have hoped.
But for almost three months, I wasn’t in shidduchim. I did Zoom date, actually, but only because an opportunity came my way with minimal effort on my part. See, hishtadlus is required when it’s reasonable. For three months, it wasn’t so reasonable. And that’s changing. And I realize that I so strongly don’t want that to change.
A few months ago, I posted a list of ideas of how to create positive motion with shidduchim in your life. I have done most if not all of those items. I’m still down for some of them, for my own sake, not with shidduchim in mind. But I’m not down for the ones involving shadchanim or self-promotion or anything like that. Not anymore. It just feels so…effortful.
So I may be restructuring my approach to hishtadlus as shidduchim moves towards reopening. For now, I’m going to remain locked down out of an abundance of caution.
