There was a time this year when I faced serious regret over a decision I had made. That whole tekufah was a huge growth experience for me and required me to stretch my emunah and confront challenges more than I’d been pushed to before. There were some amazing people who supported and comforted me, and helped me recognize that everything is truly in Hashem’s hands. As one of my friends said to me, “You can believe you made a mistake. Hashem is bigger than our mistakes.” I still repeat that to myself.
A few days after I wrote the Cocooning post, I was sitting at the Shabbos table and felt a wave of sadness and regret wash over me again. I left the table and went to my room. I knew that I had to look somewhere for chizuk. I took Living Emunah off the shelf and let it fall open to any page.
And it fell open to page 37. Lesson 7. “No Regrets.” True story.
“A person with emunah never has regrets. Rather than dwell on the past and on what might have been, he accepts the outcome without frustration or distress. He recognizes that he made his hishtadlus, and if it did not work out, this can only be because this was the best thing for him. And even if, in retrospect, he realizes he could have put in more effort, he does not fret over the mistake he made. Instead, he accepts the fact that this, too, was ordained from Above…
“We should never have regrets over what we could have or should have done. We need simply to do our hishtadlus, and then leave the rest in Hashem’s hands. And when things do not work out as we had hoped, we must trust that this was Hashem’s decision as to what is best for us.”
Here’s sending lots of love to anyone out there dealing with regret. You’re not alone. Remember that “atzas Hashem hi sakum.” People don’t have the power to derail Hashem’s plan. You will have siyata d’Shmaya when it’s the right one and the right time.
This is also something that helps: learning Living Emunah has been amazing for me. At first I actually wasn’t so into it. I thought I didn’t need something so “spelled out”; I’m not so into feel-good stories. But over time, I see that it’s changed my life. I read a few lessons each week with my Partner in Torah and she told me today that it’s had a major impact on her life as well.
Take care of yourself, my dear, and keep on keeping on.
