Hey, everyone, let’s talk about healthy positivity. The two terms in the title of this post are different ways of being optimistic/positive.
Radical optimism is the belief that life is good and that we have the right to trust in positive outcomes, despite the difficulties and challenges we face and the misgivings we feel. Toxic positivity is the refusal to acknowledge difficult emotions and the insistence that no matter what happens, we need to always maintain a positive attitude. Radical optimism is empowering, toxic positivity is repressive.
In a comment on the fairytales post, I wrote that there is an alternative to either actively pursuing your zivug or sitting back and waiting for him to find you. The alternative that I have in mind is something I read about in a really fun book, Meeting Your Half-Orange, by Amy Spencer. This book introduced me to the concept of radical optimism (I think she just calls it “dating optimism” in the book, but I call it radical optimism). The radically optimistic approach to shidduchim requires you to focus on growing your belief that you will meet your person, and on creating the energy around you that invites good things to come your way (by, for example, going places you feel happy, visualizing your happy married life in color and detail). Iy”H I will write more about radically optimistic shidduchim. Until then, remember the difference between radical optimism and toxic positivity and know that you are 1000% normal for having ups and downs through this process!
