Recently I taught my students about growth vs. fixed mindset. This concept is often used in educational settings. How do we look at ability? Is it predetermined, or can we work at something and improve? Studies show that students who are taught to have a growth mindset — to keep trying and learning from failure — are more successful in academic settings.
This made me think about how sometimes it can feel like there are two categories of people when it comes to shidduchim: the people for whom it works – eventually – and then the ones (like me…) for whom it just doesn’t seem to be working. And I realized that adding the small word “yet” makes all the difference. If it hasn’t happened for me, that doesn’t mean it only happens for others. I just might need to walk this road longer, and stay with it, and not give up. I might need to keep taking care of myself, practicing self-compassion, allowing myself to grieve, building practices for happiness, reaching out and nurturing relationships, visioning the future, digging deep to practice optimism, opening new doors, and inching along the road in the direction of my dreams.
Of course, it’s hard to keep this up indefinitely, and we all need to take breaks from time to time. So we’ll have those times when we float along for awhile and let things ride. But then we’ll get back on track. Because if it hasn’t happened yet, that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to.
