Last week we talked about the pain of rejection, which is so real and present for many of us. At the same time, there is the struggle of being the one to say no yourself, and for some women (wildly raises hand) this is very difficult to do. Like extremely, in some cases (keeps hand raised). Because many of us have absorbed the idea that there aren’t enough guys (whether that’s true or not), or that good girls don’t need much to be happy, there’s this feeling that if you’re going to say no to someone, you’d better have a good reason. Like a very good reason. Like a reason that could withstand the questioning of the Shidduch Tribunal in the dystopian fiction I’m always wishing someone would write.
Anyway, recently I said no to a few suggestions and it was so hard for me to do that; I was really plagued by self-doubt and guilt. I asked my cousin if I was being too picky — maybe if someone has an idea for me, that’s a sign from Above that I need to take it seriously and give it a try? She replied, “That’s like me telling you you must be picky for not living in the other 49 states. There are a lot of people in the world and most of them aren’t for you.”
I really like that! What do you think of that analogy?
I like the message but not the analogy, because you are happily settled in one of the 50 states… a better parallel would be if you lived overseas and really wanted to live in the US but couldn’t decide which of the 50 states was right for you, and hoping for a new better state (DC??) to be around the corner…
I prefer to call myself discerning, not picky 🙂
I hear you. I think what she was saying is that you are who you are, it’s just a fact, like living in only one of the 50 states.