Mistakes Were Made (Or, Hero’s Journey)

This semester, I decided to audit a class called Creative Arts in Social Work because doesn’t that sound like fun? I didn’t have to pay tuition for the course, just a small registration fee and then to show up to the class and complete the work as if I was a real student. I had my eye on Creative Arts since before my first semester in school, and finally it worked in my schedule: early Sunday morning on Zoom.

 

You know what else I need my Sunday mornings for, as it turns out? Doing the million things on my to-do lists. I am currently in one of the busiest seasons of my life. My internship, which I love b”H, is intensive and very structured and fills three days a week. My job, which became way, way, way more labor-intensive since it went remote, fills the other two days and most of my headspace. I’m taking another class (that I actually have to take 🙂 ) on Sundays. And I made some life changes (for another time) that give me a lot more responsibility and work that I am grateful for but that take so much time.

 

And of course Creative Arts in Social Work actually comes with a ton of work that I have voluntarily signed up for. This seemed like a much better idea when I registered in August. Apparently, mistakes were made.

 

Or were they?

 

I had a discussion with friends about the definition of “mistake.” We came up with the following: a mistake is a decision we make that does not have the outcome we hoped for. So, I had hoped that Creative Arts would provide a creative outlet and actually be a part of my self-care, but it didn’t turn out that way. For the most part.

 

However, I believe that we make mistakes for a reason, maybe because there was something we had to learn. Ultimately, we do get to where we have to go, whatever that looks like or means.

 

This Shabbos I heard a thought from the Kedushas Levi about Lech Lecha. Why did Hashem tell Avram to go “to the land which I will show you” instead of “to Eretz Canaan”? Because the destination was not a specific location but “the land which I will show you” — to keep following the path Hashem laid before him, wherever that might lead. Often, we believe that one destination or another is the right destination where we have to end up, but then Hashem leads us on another path to other places where He wants us to be. The goal is not to get to this or that specific place but to keep following the path.

 

Today in Creative Arts, we had to draw a map of our journey. Two things: 1) I don’t draw. 2) That map drew itself.

 

First of all, I automatically started at the end. I literally wrote “Journey’s End” at the top of the page. Then I worked backwards over two sheets of paper until the map was done.

 

Every journey is different but our journeys tend to have some universal themes. So, I traversed the Meadow of the Mostly Mundane across the Disappearing Dam to the Crossroads of Conflict — where, second observation: the two forks in the road led to the same place. I don’t know how my subconscious knew this but as soon as I saw that on the page, I knew it was true. In life we make choices but we always get to where we need to go. In my case, both paths at the Crossroads of Conflict led to the Deep Dark Forest of Despair — and yes, having chosen one path, I blamed myself for ending up there, but something in me knows that the other path would have led me there, too.

 

The Forest finally made way for the Dazzling Dale of Breakthroughs where I spent time basking in the sun before tipping into the Eddy of Anxious Energy which pulled me down to the Long Dark Tunnel of Constriction which finally gave way to the Plains of Peace. On the map, the Plains make way for the Widening in the Road and Journey’s End. I’m not there yet, but I can see it.

 

I drew this map today.

 

I don’t think Creative Arts was a mistake after all.