A friend and I were talking about manifesting, Chanukah, hishtadlus, and all sorts of good things. I asked how it could be that some people will tell you they had an amazing breakthrough that changed everything and they met their chosson right after, when I feel like I’ve had so many amazing breakthroughs already. My friend said, “You know how it’s always the last place you look? So when you meet your chosson of course you attribute it to the last thing you did…” Wise woman. She said, “We don’t write our life story. We can choose the little things, but not the big things.”
Then she reminded me that Chanukah takes place at the darkest point of the year. What do we do then? We light candles — not bonfires or torches. The flame is small but the lighting is tremendous. Rambam says one must sell the shirt off their back for this mitzvah, which is “chaviv.” My friend suggested that this is a reminder to all of us going through a time of darkness. We can’t fix everything and chase away the darkness. However, when there is something small that we can do, we show up with our light and it is precious.
When we are going through something that is beyond us, our first urge is to solve it. It feels uncomfortable and unnatural to see a problem as unsolvable by us. We want to switch on the light and turn off the dark. We search for any way to conceptualize or frame a problem in human and therefore workable terms.
My friend asked why I, as a therapist, would never tell a client that I have the answer to their problem. I answered, “Because it’s unethical. I can support people and provide relief but I can’t guarantee a fix for them and it would be taking advantage of vulnerable people to lead them to believe I could.” To which she answered, “Right, exactly.”
There’s a cottage industry of Instagram-coaches (sorry I’m mean but too bad) selling packages and courses that just short of promise miracles: break through your blocks, change your mindset, and you’ll manifest/draw in/attract the person of your dreams this year…And it frankly stresses me out a lot because I wonder, maybe there is something I don’t know? Maybe I should fork over the thousands for the group coaching package? Maybe I do have inner blocks that I’m denying? (After years of therapy, journaling, and tears)?
My conversation with my friend reminded me (again) to let go and let G-d. I can light a small candle and so I do — reading encouraging books, davening, responding when people reach out for my resume. But Hashem created the dark and He created the light. He is doing this to for me now. For reasons I cannot begin to understand but for reasons that are good. That are Light. I can try. I can do what is healthy for me and what is normal. I can talk to Him. I can ask Him for help. I can light candles. I cannot switch on the light.
And with that…wishing you a freilichen remainder of Chanukah!
