A reader sent me a question about reaching a milestone (in this case, turning 26 and getting kicked off her parents’ health insurance) and feeling saddened about having to figure out what to do next without a husband to do it with.
Practicalities aside, these moments are hard because they highlight the contrast between where you thought you would be and where you are.
In May 2020 when I moved, I had one of those moments. I had always thought I would get my first pots and pans and dishes as bridal gifts, but instead I was shopping online for a few basics for myself at Target. The image of setting up a first home had been really strong in my mind for many years and I had to make a rapid mental adjustment to what that would look like. I realized that two things could be true at the same time: I could feel sadness at putting to rest an image that had sustained me, and I could feel empowered and optimistic about the possibilities ahead.
It isn’t always so clear. It is painful to reach milestones and to reach birthdays alone when you thought you would be there with your husband. These moments bring up grief, sadness, loneliness, self-doubt, and fear. It helps to label the feelings and to write about them. It can be difficult, but they almost always pass. It also helps to focus on practicalities and the things you can control.
In the case of health insurance, I suggest contacting an insurance agency (which will not cost you anything) and talking through the options you see on the Marketplace. (I was also told that the silver tier plans will give you the most bang for your buck, but everyone is different).
P.S. You can submit anonymous questions or comments here.
