How quickly the world turns upside down! Do you even remember life before COVID-19? When I was blogging about stuff like shidduch pictures (lol)? It was another reality…but we will get back there, please G-d! And as Rabbi Manis Friedman said in a video clip I saw, we will have a healthier planet and a nobler human race when we do. Just look around at the unimaginable outpouring of generosity and support coming from our community and beyond — thousands of free resources for homeschooling parents; numerous online shiurim, webinars, teleconferences and support groups; telehealth and teletherapy platforms developed in no time; neighbors checking in on neighbors to help with grocery shopping, etc. Honestly, I’m so inundated with emails about all the free resources and programming, I don’t know what to look at first!
Virtually everyone I’ve spoken to over the last week and a half has shared the same sentiment: it is really, really hard to focus and get anything done, despite all the time we have on our hands. I experience some version of this fog over summer vacation, when it’s hard to be productive outside of an externally imposed structure. And now that that’s coupled with anxiety (and depression for good measure — social distancing can do a number on you), it makes a lot of sense that so many of us feel frozen.
I’m trying to help myself move forward into this new normal, however long it lasts (yeshuas Hashem k’heref ayin — even as you read this, some doctors in some lab might be discovering the cure). So, I wrote down some points to help myself that might help others as well.
Dr. Norman Blumenthal from OHEL says that a crisis is not the time to address anxiety, it’s the time to manage it. If you need medication, if you rely on others to support you, now is not the time to try to wean yourself off that help. Keep doing what you need to stay at status quo.
Stick to one reputable source of information, such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Stay away from news sources that just make you anxious. You don’t need the latest tally of positive test results in your state. You know what you need to be doing (staying home as much as possible, staying at least 6 feet away from people if you have to go out, washing your hands often, not touching your face, disinfecting surfaces, quarantining yourself if you have symptoms or know you’ve been exposed to someone positive).
Read this article by Dave Ramsey if you’re worried about your financial situation. I found it reassuring.
Make a pile of sweaters you will wear this week. Sticking to some sort of routine starts with getting dressed. It’s really hard to plan, but pulling out some sweaters is something you can do now.
Write for 5 minutes. It could be on the back of junk mail, it doesn’t need to be in a journal. You just need to get what you are experiencing out of your system and on paper. Some prompts: “Today I…,” “I’m afraid that…,” “What is going on right now?”
Stay in touch with your friends. Video calling is nice if you can. Even voice notes and texts are meaningful. Remember people who are going through an especially difficult time — nurses, kallahs, business owners, people with family challenges that are exacerbated under the circumstances — and share some support.
Go outside and sit it in the sun. Extra points for going for a walk. But at minimum, you need sunlight. This is not optional.
We will get through this! Stay connected to each other and take care of yourselves! This, too, shall pass.
What I find hardest is hearing the tehillim names, names of people I know or relatives of people I know, one after the next. It’s very, very scary and that most of it all makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything else.
Do you have any thoughts on shidduchim during this outbreak? Besides for the logistical problems of traveling and social distancing, I feel like everything is paralyzed, it’s hard to think or plan for the future during this upheaval. Not to mention that I’m out of practice with socializing in person with another human being lol. Maybe it’s best to put it off until the crisis is over, hopefully soon…
Yes, we have a close family friend in critical condition and it’s so hard to believe that this is real. And it’s hard to feel so powerless to help anyone right now when the best thing you can do for the community is to just stay put. And daven!
My thoughts on shidduchim are that it is perfectly reasonable to suspend hishtadlus. Right now, we’re all just trying to get through the day, prepare for Pesach and stay safe and sane. I think that if you are in the mood for working on shidduchim now, you should go ahead and not let a global pandemic stop you 😉 , but know that in-person dating is probably suspended for the immediate future. Although to be honest, what a pity to waste such an inexhaustible icebreaker!