So the other night my friend asked me if I read “All the Fish in the Sea” by Rochel Samet (printed in the Pesach Calligraphy), and if so what were my thoughts. I did read it and I did have thoughts.
Some lines resonated very much:
“The problem with being single,” Meira says sagely, “is that no matter what you do, it’s wrong.”
And:
“I don’t know what they want from us. I mean, look at it this way, we do everyone this huge favor — we give them so much to gossip about. Shouldn’t they be grateful?”
Or:
The well-meaning second-cousin four years Baily’s junior who sagely advised that “At your age, it’s worth compromising, I just want to tell you that marriage is sooo worth it.”
Some parts were quite painful:
Gila had been the one who’d insisted on buying a fish tank…Two months later, Gila was engaged. Seven years and four roommates later, Baily is still feeding the fish.
And the part where the fish die.
My friend took issue with this. Why have Baily be broken-up with, be alone on Pesach, and then have her fish die? Like why lay it on so thick that it’s sad and nebach to be single? I totally hear that critique of the story and I think that if not for the previously-mentioned lines aimed pointedly at society’s treatment of singles, I’d have found it too much.
Okay, it was a bit much.
I liked the story overall. I liked the honesty and the emotions. I just want to make one comment. I would have preferred if Baily had not gotten back together with Nosson at the end. I’m just tired of people having reasons to think that every person who is single has their something holding them back, and if they’d only work through the something, they would get married. In this story, Baily’s something is her guardedness, and when she finally oh-so-satisfyingly (tinge of sarcasm alert) breaks down in public, then she can finally get married. I think this plays into the unhelpful stereotype of the disconnected, self-sabotaging older single with “blocks” to overcome.
I’m tired of there always having to be a reason someone is single. Maybe they’re just single. We already live in a fishbowl, with everyone believing they have insight into our situations when in reality they don’t know what is going on.
I would have loved for Baily to cry and then go home and feel better and buy new fish after Yom Tov. And then maybe the story could end with her getting a phone call or an email about some other guy who sounds promising, just to end on a generally hopeful note. That’s just my opinion.
But anyway, I’d love to hear yours.
