Hey, all. We are up to the most fun phase (in my opinion) of the finding your half-orange process! It’s time to let go of the pressure to get married and just live a happy life! After all, if one of the main reasons we want to get married is to be happy, why not skip straight to the happiness piece right now?
To live a happy life (lots and lots of ideas here)…
- Don’t make yourself date if it makes you miserable. You’re not doing “nothing” if you stop agreeing to dates out of guilt that you are supposed to be trying. You are working on creating and maintaining positive energy, which is the main thing you need. Date when you want to and when you are in a positive headspace.
- See each date as a step in the right direction, even if the other person is really not for you. It’s not your job to find the right person, just to be there for the ride.
- Have goals you are working towards — large ones and small ones. Goals make us happy.
- Do nice things for yourself now instead of waiting to have a husband to do them with.
- Do things you enjoy, not just things that will help you meet new people.
- Don’t stress over looking perfect, just look like yourself and be happy.
- Don’t stalk relationships — in shidduch universe, this means don’t keep following up about an idea if the other side is not “picking up” on it. Is that the feeling you want going into a relationship? You want to feel great, not desperate.
- Keep being yourself. You are not “too” anything. If you don’t believe me, then you need to start using your imagination and envisioning someone getting to know the real you and loving what they see. And stay around people who appreciate the real you. Which might mean different people than the ones you have around now.
- Do something different just to create a feeling in yourself that anything can happen. Drive a new route to work. Say yes when you would ordinarily say no (I am not talking about dating here).
- Look up. Actually physically look around you with curiosity and wonder.
- Do something that makes you nervous. Anything worth doing will make you nervous beforehand.
- Don’t sit and ruminate about shidduchim with your friends. Support is good but toxic negativity is not.
- Change how you interpret your single status. Be mindful of “explanations” you give yourself that are pessimistic: permanent (“I’m never going to find someone”), pervasive (“No good guys ever want to date me”), or personal (“I’m not pretty enough”).
- Don’t give up on dating optimism, but you can sit back and let it go once in a while to give yourself a break.
So much to try here! I’m personally looking forward to working on a few of these. I hope you find these ideas helpful. Let me know!
