Shidduchim (being single in public, discussing shidduchim, going on dates) can be triggering for many of us. It often activates our core wounds. These are emotional wounds that developed early on from early experiences we had when we were developing our concept of what it means to be in a relationship. Am I lovable? Can I count on people? Do I belong? Am I allowed to make mistakes? A core wound might be the belief that we are fundamentally defective, that anyone who gets to know us will find us unlovable, that we can’t count on others to stay with us, that we will never really belong anywhere. When wounding is activated, it can show up as fear and anxiety, depressive feelings, shame, and guilt. It can make us panic, shut down, or feel hopeless.
Wounding happens in relationships, and often needs to be healed within the context of relationships. Healing may be helped by inner child or parts work, where we compassionately learn about the role of these strong emotions and reactions, and help them feel safe enough to stand down. Somatic interventions (like giving ourselves soothing touch) can be helpful, too. Self-care, self-compassion, and patience for the process can give us the safety to engage with the healing journey.
If you relate to this post, I hope it helps you feel seen and supported. You are very much not alone, and healing is possible.
