My friend used this analogy to describe what it feels like to be in a difficult situation unfolding on its own timeline. There’s not much you can do (i.e. nothing) to shorten the timeframe; what you can do is find ways to make the process more tolerable.
I recently wrote an alphapoem for my current writing course and want to share the process with you. An alphapoem is similar to an acrostic in that you write a word or phrase vertically down the left side of your page and use it to write your poem. However, whereas an acrostic purposely begins each line with the next letter …
I’m rereading a book I posted about years ago, Love Will Find You by Kathryn Alice. (I must dig up my Soulmate Journal and do the exercises again). I was struck by this sentiment:
My married cousin asked me this question last Motzoei Shabbos after we spent a large part of Shabbos afternoon talking about what I am looking for, my dating experiences, etc. I thought it was a clever question, and I am still thinking about it. How much of me identifies as someone in shidduchim as opposed to all the other things …
My cousin made an insightful comment over Pesach: when she is with other people’s children, she tries to aim for yes. As she put it, “Kids hear ‘no’ so often, and if you’re spending time with them, it feels amazing to them when you say ‘yes’ where you can.” As in, yes, you can run to the corner and wait …
Sometimes it is hard for me to feel happy for someone else’s simcha, even when intellectually I want to be, and I care about their happiness. What is it? I had a few thoughts:
We all have our struggles that make shidduchim uniquely challenging and painful for each of us. I have struggled mightily with feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy: How do I know that I’m trying hard enough, pushing and stretching myself enough (whatever that means), being open enough (whatever that means)? When I was davening at the Kosel in February, I felt …
I enjoyed the book Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in an Age of Infinite Browsing, by Pete Davis. The book explores the challenges and benefits of committing to a cause, community, person, or craft for the long haul, in the face of seemingly infinite options. This little episode made me think:
None of us knows quite where we will find ourselves when we meet the right person, and what that process will look like, and how the pieces will fit together. But I’ve definitely absorbed the word on the street about what that process looks like for “older singles” (which I suppose I am): it’s lengthy, it’s complicated, it gets hard …
My friend recently got engaged, which reminded me that yes, it does happen. When it does, I want to be able to look back and be proud of myself for how I conducted myself through this process. When something is so painful, it’s hard to stay in command at all times, but these are some things I want to work …
