As you may have gathered from my post last week, I have been working through a lot of old stuff about what I am and am not “allowed” to want in a shidduch. I trace this stuff to a workshop I took years ago when I was a much younger dater and I wanted all the guidance I could get. …
My friend pointed out that the challenge of shidduchim is double because it’s painful and it’s public. Not only do you have to go through it, you have to explain to people why you’re doing what you’re doing. We’re used to this being the way it is, it’s the water around us, but it is seriously not normal to have …
I’m having a moment here, and I’m reflecting… If I could do it over, I would erase every workshop I took on shidduchim. I would erase every speech I trustingly absorbed. I would erase every formula. Every manual. Every checklist I was given. I would wipe the slate clean and just be me, a bright-eyed romantic looking for a …
Hello, all. Recently I listened to a terrific interview about relationship red flags with Lisa Twerski. Even if you’ve learned about how to identify dating red flags, I think this episode is worth a listen. Another resource I enjoyed is this video where Rachel Tuchman and Elisheva Liss talk about The Surrendered Wife approach to relationships and healthier ways …
At one point a few years ago, I gave myself a “shidduchim bedtime.” I had to stop thinking about shidduchim, checking WhatsApp and email, and waiting to hear back from people by 10:45 PM (the end of the civilized evening). Otherwise I’d compulsively check my phone just one more time as I got ready for a shower, got ready for …
When we (as a community) talk about “older singles,” we talk about statistics and we talk about self-sabotage. And that is all we talk about. Whether there is any constructive purpose to these conversations is up for discussion. I’m not weighing in now, but I am saying that, at minimum, I don’t think this is all that the conversation …
Recently I listened to an episode of the Headlines podcast on “What makes a successful marriage?” Chani Juravel (at 39:00) shared four qualities she heard from Dr. David Pelcovitz that are important for a good marriage (a few readers have asked for posts on ways to develop yourself into the best you before marriage, and I hope this is helpful!). …
My friend sent me a letter to the editor (“Far From Miserable”) that was written in response to the fish tank story in Mishpacha. It did not sit well with her and once I read it I felt the same. Before I continue I just want to emphasize that I don’t presume to speak for everyone who is single …
So the other night my friend asked me if I read “All the Fish in the Sea” by Rochel Samet (printed in the Pesach Calligraphy), and if so what were my thoughts. I did read it and I did have thoughts. Some lines resonated very much: “The problem with being single,” Meira says sagely, “is that no matter what …
In the support group this week we talked about asking for support from family and friends. One group member shared that she doesn’t want to be a burden so she tells everyone she’s fine. Another shared that what got her through the most serious period of her illness was other people’s love. She added, “You can complain to people who …
