For a while, I have not felt right about my career choice. The thing is, I really enjoy learning about just about anything and so much of what I learned in graduate school was interesting and useful. So it just didn’t occur to me along the way that I might not love the practice nearly as much as the theory. My practicum placements should have given me a clue, but I attributed any difficulties to my being a newbie.
It’s been hard to know what to do. Make a change (to what?) or stick it out (for how long)? Some people I spoke to told me that it was just the setting, the kind of job, my inexperience, and sooner or later I would find something that made me feel better about my degree. Go into research, they said. Specialize. Work with a different population. One person told me that I was looking for too much satisfaction from my career and shouldn’t put so much importance on what I do for a living. One person went so far as to tell me that if I was married and had children I would appreciate having my degree completed and wouldn’t be looking to change. But I knew they were wrong. Really, all I wanted was to feel happy and right going into work, like I was in my zone, using myself.
Earlier, I mentioned that I’m pretty okay at work — that’s been true recently (especially now that I work with so many frum people), but I still have the feeling of being a square peg in a round hole, doing something day in and day out that doesn’t fit right.
A few months ago, I read Refuse to Choose!, by Barbara Sher, a career-coaching book for a group of people she calls Scanners: “To Scanners the world is like a big candy store full of fascinating opportunities, and all they want is to reach out and stuff their pockets…at some point in high school or soon after, everyone was expected to make a choice and that’s when Scanners ran into trouble. While some people happily narrowed down to one subject, Scanners simply couldn’t.” She writes about how when she was in college in the 50’s, she couldn’t choose a major and kept working her way through the course catalog, semester after semester, taking anything at all that captured her interest, paying her way by waiting tables.
These are totally my people. If I could, I would be back in school, merrily taking class after class for pleasure. (If you think you might be a Scanner, read this book!)
That being said, over the next few months, I did slowly come to realize that there is one thing I would happily devote my life to doing: helping people heal, grow, and become their best selves. I was still afraid of pursuing this dream, though, and felt an inexplicable guilt for considering another career when I was already ensconced in a perfectly serviceable one. This is where my Awesome Friends stepped in. As I worked through my new idea, they cheered me on. One friend told me, “You don’t owe your loyalty to any one field.” She also pointed out that Degree #1 is a sunk cost, and I have the rest of my life ahead of me to consider. When I expressed concern over spending money (again), another friend told me, “If you never even use your second master’s, it’s still worth it for you to go back to school. You have the opportunity now, and you want this. It will enhance your life. Even if something comes up in middle and you have to drop it.” Really, the outpouring of support has been incredible, and coming from people I thought would’ve urged caution: “That’s so cool. You’re going back to school!” “You’re following your passion. I’m so proud of you!” “Go for it! You have one life to live!”
For anyone choosing a career, it is helpful to choose something that suits who you are and what you most want as much as possible. (Even if you have to take a while deciding and trying a few different things). One thing that really gets me now that I’ve been through this process is how much pressure many frum girls feel to have their higher education completed as soon as possible. I suspect that many, many people are dissatisfied with the field they vaulted into, headlong, without understanding what they were committing to and what the actual day in, day out of the job entails. Get to really know yourself — in what settings you do best, when do you feel like you’re in a zone, when are you happiest. We are all different and we do need different things.
The one person who has to be happy with what you’re doing with your life is you. I’ve seen that the Yetzer Hara tries to make you take jobs that will drain you, because when you’re depleted, it’s a home run for him. Stay in touch with who you are, what you need, and whether things are working for you the way they are or if a change is necessary.
Can you relate? What’s your best career advice?
P.S. An adorable personality test.
