A reader shared that it can be irritating when people write off her struggles in shidduchim because “you’re not so old.” I empathize with that and I really don’t think it’s fair to compare, because no one has a monopoly on pain. Where do comparisons end? After all, 22 isn’t 27 isn’t 33 isn’t 39.
Each stage comes with its challenges. When you are starting shidduchim, it seems as if everyone is getting engaged but you. You feel anxious and unsure of yourself. The unknowns loom large. I think the first 2-3 years in shidduchim were the hardest for me in certain ways.
At ten years I feel a depth of pain I didn’t know when I was younger, but I also have more resources. I have greater self-knowledge and self-confidence. My life is bigger than it was before. I know that I can thrive through hard times and that I can have a good life despite the challenges. This growth came with time and experience and yes, having it does make the process of shidduchim easier.
So I hope you can ignore those who dismiss what you are going through, because there’s no reason to compare.
