Psychologist Christina Maslach, who studies burnout, identified three components of burnout (a result of chronic stress): exhaustion, cynicism, and inefficacy. Most burnout studies focus on workplace burnout or caregiver burnout. I think this is a useful concept to think about regarding shidduchim.
The three components of burnout
Exhaustion can be physical, cognitive, and emotional. It’s the feeling of running on empty, barely able to drag yourself forward.
Cynicism makes you disengage and feel like the process has no meaning or point. You stop caring and check out.
Inefficacy is the feeling that you lack the skills to do what you need to, or that nothing you do makes a difference.
I definitely relate or have related to all three of these dimensions with regard to shidduchim.
Different people experience these three dimensions in unique combinations. This article from the Harvard Business Review (may hit a paywall) explores burnout and ways to deal with it. I also wrote a bit about destressing to prevent burnout here.
I remember learning about burnout in my MSW program and my professor saying that advanced burnout is very hard to recover from. It’s so, so, so important to keep practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and putting mental health first! An ounce of prevention…
Have a beautiful Shabbos!
