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The last thing people want to discuss after Tisha B’Av is Tisha B’Av. It’s the day when we set aside the distractions of life and look tragedy in the eye. It’s a day of discomfort – all of the inuyim are meant to make us uncomfortable. When it’s over, we switch modes immediately, shutting the door to tears, sadness, and pain with our first bagel bite. We say goodbye to mourning and resume our normally scheduled activities (read: vacation).
But recently we’ve experienced a Tisha B’Av revolution. With the advent of technology, we are zoche to tune into many channels and programs featuring dynamic speakers sharing different thoughts and perspectives on this meaningful day. With the simultaneous programs from Chazaq, Hidabroot, CCHF, Ohr Naava, and Project Inspire (who am I missing?), Tisha B’Av has become an inspiration marathon. There is a deluge of material to digest (hence the delayed post). The concepts that I heard on Sunday were not depressing or particularly sad. On the contrary, they were motivating and inspirational. Therefore, although the day when we mourn the Churban has come and gone (hopefully for the last time), the lessons shared then are relevant today. Since I had the great privilege of attending/listening to many of these programs I wanted to share what I learned with anyone who wasn’t able to participate or start a conversation with fellow listeners.
After attending Eicha reading Motzei Shabbos, I turned to my favorite inspiration hub, TorahAnytime, for a vast selection of live shiurim. I tuned into the Chazaq program where Charlie Harary was discussing the “importance of being ernest.” On Tisha B’Av, he said, it’s crucial to be real. We have to ask ourselves, “what am I crying for?” Do I really feel a gaping void due to the absence of the Beis Hamikdash? Would I even appreciate having the Mikdash in my life? What is my deep Ratzon? Because if we really feel an emptiness, if we really yearn for the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash, we will merit seeing it rebuilt. If we are too attached to materialism and the ideal of “being comfortable” it will be difficult for us to relate to the world of spiritual bliss that we will experience with the coming of Mashiach (B’mehaira B’yameinu). He drew a contrast between a person who is “comfortably mediocre” and one who is “uncomfortably great,” and presented those as two mutually exclusive models of who we can become during our lifetime. Achieving greatness requires a degree of discomfort.
The following morning/afternoon, I listened to R’ Immanuel Bernstein, R’ Klatzko, and R’ Ari Bensoussan, all recorded/broadcast on TorahAnytime.
R’ Bernstein raised the question of why men don’t put on Tefillin Tisha B’Av morning. He explained that Tefillin, like Shabbos, are a symbol of our relationship with Hashem. Since we spend the morning reading Kinnos, we have no need for Tefillin, because they are the Os instead. How so? If a relationship is dead, one party abandons the other; there is no connection anymore. The proof of our relationship with Hashem is documented in the Kinnos. Hashem didn’t abandon us – He must be interested in us if we were singled out so strikingly for tragedy. Another concept that he spoke about was the rectification of Sinas Chinam – the sin that was the cause of Churban Bayis Sheini and the reason we are still in Galus today. One of the most prevalent forms of this sin is jealousy, the tenth of the Aseres Hadibros – Lo Sachmod. How do we work on ourselves to not be jealous? He offered one solution, sourced in two places. The Medrash Vayikra Raba draws a parallel between the Aseres Hadibros and different Mitzvos in Parshas Vayikra. The Mitzva in Parshas Vayikra corresponding to the Dibra of Lo Sachmod is “Ve’Ahavta L’reacha Kamocha”. The way to avoid jealousy is to love your fellow like yourself, because if they have something that they enjoy, you will enjoy that too. In the same vein, he quoted a vort from the Kotzker Rebbe on the Mishna in Avos that states “Who is wealthy? One who is happy with his lot.” The simple explanation is that if one is satisfied with his portion in life he will feel blessed no matter how much or little he has. The Kotzer Rebbe however interprets “his lot” to be “the lot of his fellow”, because if someone is not only satisfied with their own portion, but they are also happy with the portions of others, they will truly feel blessed.
R’ Klatzko’s message was simple and direct: don’t speak negatively about members of our tribe. More specifically, he focused on the sin of speaking Lashon Hara about specific groups. Unfortunately, he noted, saying bad things about groups of people has become socially acceptable. This may be because there isn’t enough awareness of its damaging effects. He said that if one wants to see Nachas from their children, they should praise our people, not Chas V’Shalom the opposite. In a sentence, he conveyed that judging and negatively characterizing different segments of our society prolongs the Galus.
R’ Ari Bensoussan spoke about what we mourn for on Tisha B’Av. He quoted his Rebbi, R’ Berkowitz, who explains that we mourn the absence of Hashem in our lives. While this true for all of us around the globe, he highlighted that the mourning in Chutz l’Aretz is more poignant. In Eretz Yisrael, he stated, growth is the goal. People living in the Holy Land have their priorities straight and live materialistically simple, but spiritually rich lives. His Mussar to the audience in America referenced the Mashal of the Chofetz Chaim. We would all agree that it would be foolish for a train passenger to start painting the cabin walls and moving in furniture – his stay is evidently transient. Yet we are guilty of the same mistake when we invest our efforts into building the most spectacular homes and purchasing luxury cars. Our goal should be to make worthwhile investments and to realize where our true home is found.
Next on the agenda for the day was the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation presentation. The theme for this year was “Nosei B’Ol im Chaveiro” and R’ Frand, R’Biderman, R’ Spero, Dr. David Lieberman, and R’ Krohn among others all offered interesting perspectives on the topic.
R’ Frand’s message was that being Nosei B’Ol means telling ourselves: “It’s not about me”. He told over a story of a group of guys who were on their way to a friend’s wedding when they got stuck in terrible traffic. They were planning to daven mincha with a minyan at the wedding, but that didn’t look like an option anymore. They called their Rosh Yeshiva, R’ Epstein, to ask whether they should miss the chuppah and daven with a minyan or daven b’yichidus and be there for their friend. One of the boys hadn’t missed a minyan since his Bar Mitzva. R’ Epstein answered that participating in the simcha and bringing joy to the Chassan V’Kallah came before their own chiyuv of Tefilla B’tzibbur.
R’ Biderman illustrated the concept of Nosei B’Ol with stories of people putting others’ needs before their own. By putting themselves in their friend’s shoes, ultimately, aside from benefitting their friend, they themselves gained. One story that exemplified this idea was of a father taking his family for a retreat for a few days. A loner acquaintance of his asked to come along for vacation, and though it was difficult for this man to host this acquaintance, he welcomed him with open arms. As they were enjoying themselves on the trip, someone noticed that one of the grandkids was missing. He had wandered into the unguarded pool and it was the loner friend who jumped in and saved his life.
R’ Spero connected the idea of being Nosei B’Ol to the geulah. He explained that when one lifts stones off the hearts of others, they are dedicating these stones to the Binyan Bayis Shlishi. He also stressed the importance of visualizing what another is going through to properly empathize with them.
Dr. David Lieberman described how empathy relieves another’s pain. When a person is struggling usually they need a physical salvation, but another important need that others can fill even if they lack physical resources is emotional support. By validating your friend’s feelings, by showing that you are there for them, that you care deeply about their pain, you can provide real relief.
With Tisha B’Av coming to a close, I sat down to watch the Project Inspire film featuring the story of R’ Meir Shuster. Personally, this was the program that moved me the most. It was the story of an unassuming man who made a huge impact on the lives of individuals and on Klal Yisrael as a whole. He set out to fill a vital yet nonexistent position –the ambassador for Judaism at the Kosel. Over his lifetime he attracted thousands of people to Yidishkeit – changing their lives and the lives of their families. Well-known personalities in the Torah world would be secular today if not for R’ Shuster. He was an individual so dedicated to this cause of bringing people back to their roots and felt a tremendous responsibility for this mission of Hatzalas Nefashos. When he tragically lost his daughter, he sent a shailah to R’ Elyashiv asking if he is required to sit Shiva. His reasoning was that if he was away from his post there would be no one to take his place. This is what was on his mind during the most trying moments of his life. He wasn’t concerned with his own needs. He would stand at the plaza in the pouring rain and was there to introduce a lone soul to a life of Torah. His approach was simple and straightforward, yet intrigued so many, because of his genuine nature.
Often, we underestimate our abilities to make a difference in the world. We feel we lack the talent or resources to contribute meaningfully to society. Among the many lessons that I learned from this film is the importance of one. One person can change the world. The administration at Ohr Somayach credited half of the enrollment in their Yeshiva to the efforts of R’ Shuster. But when we think of what he accomplished we may feel hopeless thinking that we could never reach that many people. The encouragement that we have is that R’ Shuster started with one person and we can do the same. Whether it’s with Kiruv, teaching, providing physical or financial assistance, there are areas in our life where we can volunteer to help. If we impact just one other person our efforts will be worthwhile, and if we’re lucky, we will be blessed with Siyata D’shmaya to continue impacting the lives of many. Hearing about the life and achievements of R’ Shuster inspired me to think about opportunities in my life for making an impact. What are areas in your life that you see yourself contributing to in a small but powerful way?
I’d like to take the opportunity to thank and give credit to all the wonderful organizations and speakers who invested time and energy to make this past Tisha B’Av a very meaningful day for me personally and for thousands of others across the globe. Tizku L’Mitzvos!
