Last year at the height of COVID, a friend called me. She had to move apartments and was looking for an additional roommate. I had once mentioned to her that I was open to moving out of my parents’ house if I found the right roommate situation, and she remembered. When she asked me if I was interested, I was thrown at first. Everything was on lockdown; I couldn’t imagine actually picking up and doing something productive (lol). Also, I was kind of comfortable with not paying rent…I told her thank you for asking, but no.
I knew I was just being chicken, though. It was really time for a change. I just had to work up the courage to make one.
Twenty-four hours later I texted her…”Is the apartment still available?”
Long story short — I moved two weeks later.
I had major hashgacha with my apartment and I am very grateful. I knew my roommates already. Our rent is very reasonable. The location is convenient. A lot of details fell into place in a clear and amazing way.
The learning curve was steep! I hardly ever cooked before moving, never cleaned, and hadn’t done laundry in the ten years since seminary. I knew nothing about leases, home repairs, utilities. I had a video call with my sister the first time I did laundry and she told me which dials to turn to what. In the past 18 months I have learned so much and although I still rely on my more experienced roommates to figure out some stuff, I feel like much more of an adult today (lol).
I plan to share the practical stuff I learned in the next few posts. First I will discuss a bit of what it was like to make the transition.
Why did I move?
I wanted more space to spread my wings. I wanted to step out of my “role” in my family (we all have these roles that everyone expects us to play) and experiment with expanding my self-definition. I wanted more privacy and space to navigate shidduchim my own way and other areas of life, too. And I wanted to feel like an adult.
How did my parents react when I told them I was moving?
I made my announcement after I had fully committed to the apartment. I didn’t want to mention anything before I was committed because I was afraid I’d get cold feet. At first my mother was sad but when she realized I wasn’t moving far she felt better and got more into it, even offering things from the house (I was like, “You’ll probably be needing your pots, Ma.”)
What about my siblings?
They were happy for me and supportive. Although I think one or two of them felt sad for me, too (that I was moving out single and not married).
Friends? Other people?
Everyone really thought it was great, b”H.
Did I worry about what people would say?
Not really. It was clear to me that it was the right time and the right place to be going. One friend asked me what she should tell people who call her as a shidduch reference and I told her to just tell them this opportunity came up and I decided to take it, meshaneh makom and all that.
Did I ever have second thoughts after signing the lease?
No, it felt very right. Of course as I was actually signing the paper I had butterflies in my stomach. But it still felt right.
Was I sad to leave my childhood home?
It felt bittersweet and like an adventure at the same time. This may have gone down easier because I didn’t move so far from home. I’ve slept in my childhood bedroom many times since moving, between Shabbosos and Yomim Tovim that I was at my parents. But it doesn’t feel like I live there, it feel like I’m visiting.
So that’s what it was like to make this decision. I am happy to answer your questions if you’d like. Iy”H next I will write about leases, internal agreements between roommates, and how to outfit your new place!
