Recently I listened to an episode of the Headlines podcast on “What makes a successful marriage?” Chani Juravel (at 39:00) shared four qualities she heard from Dr. David Pelcovitz that are important for a good marriage (a few readers have asked for posts on ways to develop yourself into the best you before marriage, and I hope this is helpful!).
The four qualities are
- optimism
- appreciation and highlighting the good in the other
- ability to not take things personally
- ability to get unstuck and put an issue aside
I thought it was helpful to hear this. Each of these qualities can definitely be developed even if they don’t come naturally. Positive Psychology, CBT, and parts work are some ways to work on developing these abilities. For example, checking in with your automatic thoughts, writing or verbalizing gratitude each day, tuning into your parts that get activated or triggered by different interactions, can all be helpful in healing old wounds and building new habits.
Have a great Shabbos!
