Ok, I’m very late to the party here but we have to talk about the greatest piece of writing ever published in Calligraphy. (To be honest, I’m not usually a magazine reader so I’m wholly unqualified to make that statement…but anyway.)
On Erev Pesach, my friend texted me that if I had the Mishpacha I had to read Rikki Erlich’s story in Calligraphy, but I didn’t so I didn’t.
And then I went away for Yom Tov and had the most relaxing, rejuvenating week in Eretz Yisroel b”H. And then came back here. And this past Friday, I remembered what my friend said and asked her for her copy of Calligraphy which she thankfully still had. Otherwise I might have missed this completely hilarious and very uplifting short story.
Shuli, a social worker in her 30’s, is engaged. On a coffee date with some friends, she and the others hit on a scheme meant to be both cathartic and practical: they’re going to conduct exit interviews for women in their 30’s who have recently left the stage of shidduchim due to an engagement or marriage. They’re looking for feedback about the experience, and offering emotional closure.
What follows is utter hilarity balanced exquisitely with on-point social commentary. I wish I could pull out the best lines but there are too many. From resume burning, to painted-pottery smashing, to a group jog down the boardwalk (in sneakers at last), Shuli and company revisit the scene of the crime with countless women and gather a binderful of feedback and insight.
Over her 100+ interviews, some of the issues brought up were: casual name-dropping and resume-sharing with no follow-up (unhelpful), the challenges boys face in shidduchim (yes, yes, yes, been thinking about posting about this), the obsession with pigeonholing and “teitching” people up instead of getting to know them as individuals (raise your hand if you fall under “no type”), and the struggle not to resent our way of life as a whole when it can feel like maybe that’s what’s making it harder to actually meet him.
What was so great about the story was that while it got completely honest about the angst and frustrations in shidduchim and “the system,” it never went overboard with the cynicism or with bashing our culture. Kind of a “don’t judge Judaism by the Jews” attitude. Yes, we’re flawed and the system can feel restrictive and downright wacky, but we belong to something special nonetheless. I also loved how self-aware and honest the story was about the details of shidduchim (awkward pottery dates! Perfect Matches! ordering water at Starbucks!). Like it was a pleasure to see this comfort level with the experience of being in shidduchim. Which is a life stage for many even as it is only a transition period for others.
One quote stood out for me, from interviewee Dafna: “I never thought I’d get married. I honestly never thought this would happen. I used to go out, sure, went through the motions, but it was, like, stam night activity–”
So if you didn’t happen to read this story over Yom Tov, do your best to get your hands on a copy.
