Who Makes Shidduchim?

I started listening recently to Daily Bitachon with Michael Safdie, a businessman who learns and teaches a short lesson a day on bitachon. My aunt turned me on to it, and though I hadn’t felt pulled specifically to learn this topic, I’m finding that it is giving me oxygen.

 

A friend recently quoted dating coach Rochel Goldbaum, who asks each of her single clients “Who makes shidduchim?” at the outset of their work together. It’s the simplest question but it brought tears to my eyes when I heard it. I’ve carried the burden of hishtadlus in shidduchim for so long, and this gentle question felt like an anchor, reminding me that I can let go.

 

Throughout the past few weeks, the question has echoed in my mind: When feeling desperate and compelled to message a shadchan again — Who makes shidduchim? When seeing an ad for a singles event that I know is not good for me but still so tempting — Who makes shidduchim? When stressing about figuring out time off work so I can meet with a shadchan who won’t lock down a time — Who makes shidduchim?

 

My preoccupation with what I can do has in recent years come at the expense of my learning about, practicing, and embodying bitachon. The age-old question is how to find the right balance, but as I tune into the undercurrent of anxiety, urgency, and the need to control flowing beneath the hishtadlus I tell myself is perfectly reasonable, I feel that the balance is off. When bitachon feels rusty, unfamiliar, I’m in need of radical recalibration.

 

I’m inspired by the daily lessons in bitachon, and by the gentle and profound question of Who makes shidduchim? and hope to continue cultivating bitachon at the heart of my life.