- Please respond to my text or email. Often I am just asking a yes or no question. It’s okay if you can’t help me, I know you are not a magician, but it feels a lot worse when you just ignore me. You can set up an automatic response system if you know you can’t get back to everyone so at least I don’t have to reach out and just hear…silence.
- Unfortunately, I can’t give you a reason for why I said no because it’s probably not a good enough reason for you, and I don’t want to have to defend myself.
- If the date wasn’t horrible, that doesn’t mean it was great. Please don’t act excited and try to hype me up, which feels like pressure and is not helpful. Just be matter of fact.
- Please follow up with me when you said you were going to reach out to someone on my behalf. Did you reach them? How did the conversation go? I’m not expecting yeses from everyone, but it’s very hard to feel like my hishtadlus and my resume go into a black hole every time I try. It makes the whole process seem futile and not worth my energy.
- It doesn’t help me to hear miracle stories about people who hated each other on the third date and whaddya know, they got married. Or about your niece who ALMOST said no and then she went out and fell in love with her now-husband. I have to be allowed to trust my accumulated experience and self-knowledge. I can’t have the threat of messing up hanging over me when it’s hard enough to keep going.
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I need what I need. I’m not going to suddenly be a new person because you really really think I should give an idea a try. I know this must be incredibly frustrating for you and I feel for you. You want to help but sometimes you can’t. Please don’t pressure me.
- If you think I shouldn’t judge based on a picture, why are you asking me for one…?
- The best thing you could do after a singles event is to call each person, debrief with them, and hear them out. It’s really exhausting and difficult to put ourselves out there, and it’s very painful afterwards when there’s minimal follow up and not only do you have no date, no one really cares how you feel. If you don’t have the resources to do this, maybe don’t run singles events.
- Please don’t give me instructions for what to do or say on the next date unless I am asking you for guidance. It feels stifling and patronizing. Also, please don’t give me hadracha about priorities, what really matters in a marriage, what I should be looking for, etc.
- Please don’t sigh and tell me you’ll try to help but there aren’t too many good guys out there. I am not sure what the purpose of that is other than to make me give up?
