I read a great article from The Atlantic about the power of recording and sharing our rejections with a group of peers. The concept of a “rejection collection” was developed by cognitive psychologist Barbara Sarnecka and two graduate students as a way of encouraging academics to keep trying for goals like jobs, awards, and grants without being discouraged by rejection:
Like many people, these academics often felt bruised by rejections and hid them from others. The approach they came up with—to track, share, and celebrate their rejections—flips our instincts upside down. Instead of shying away from rejection, they’re asking us to run straight toward it—and to do so together.
Rejection is sharply painful because it makes us feel ostracized and ashamed. A rejection collection creates a sense of community, which provides a measure of protection against this pain. When we share our rejections with others and they share theirs with us, it normalizes rejection, helping us feel less alone.
To create a rejection collection of your own, you need a group of peers with similar goals and a Google Doc where you record your rejections. Once you hit a target number of rejections, the group holds a celebration.
Recently I went to a singles event (not speed-dating!) which I really enjoyed. I met some great guys and really thought there was potential. And…yeah, no. I was informed the guys I was interested in were going out with other girls from the event because “there was mutual interest.” (Ouch!) Rejection is really painful. But it helped a LOT to connect with friends who had similar experiences. It took the edge off the pain and helped me get back in the saddle. And then I read this article!
I think rejection collections in shidduchim are a really cool idea. I might try it.
I hope you have a good Shabbos and that you don’t need to go through the pain of rejection, now or ever.
