Hi, all. A friend sent me a link to a recent feature in Family First where single women shared tips and perspectives on how they navigate(d) being in shidduchim. I really enjoyed it! A few quotes:
On self-confidence
“It feels good to get dressed up, but some days are sweater and slinky skirt days, and if I’m seen in public like that, so be it. I have to do what’s right for me, and that’s all I can do.”
On journaling
“When I started shidduchim, one of my friends recommended I write down my thoughts after dates to process the date and how I’m feeling. I’ve done some of that, but I’ve also taken to journaling as a solace even when I’m not processing a recent date. It has given me the chance to reflect on who I am and what I’m looking for.”
On self-care
“No, you should not go to your ten-year high school reunion. Trust me, you can get the same pity stares from your classmates at tomorrow night’s wedding. AND you won’t be going through the yearbook to see what everyone is up to in life, so it’s a win-win. I can think of other forms of self-torture that are far less painful. Be your own hero and stay home!”
On not comparing
“Hashem specially designed a unique dating experience for each one of us and we’ll never find someone who went through the exact same story as we did, even if it may seem that way at first glance.”
On spreading emunah
Being single is being in kiruv. So when the little cousins ask, “when are you getting married?” you can say “Hashem is in charge.”
So when the older bubbies say “Nu?” you can say “Hashem is in charge.”
So when you go to simchahs and people say “Im yirtzeh Hashem by you,” you can say “Amen, Hashem is in charge.”
And so when you get back from another bad date you can remind yourself, “Hashem is in charge.”
On strategy
“I used to be so nervous before each date, mostly because I was so scared of how I’d feel if it didn’t work out. The game changer? I started promising myself a gift if it’s a no-go.”
On perspective
“I really think the different stages of singlehood just come with different challenges. I look at the 21-year-olds desperate and feeling old and I feel funny, but really, that’s when so many friends are getting married, and it’s really hard. I get it. I think at 21 I was more desperate to get married and now I’m getting more desperate to be married. It’s okay to feel old and young at every stage of shidduchim!”
There are more great lines in the feature – enjoy!
There are great tips in there.
This article is great too although it’s not as upbeat. It acknowledges the pain of infertility for singles who can’t have children.
https://mishpacha.com/the-fertile-among-us/
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. I can only read the excerpt but I appreciate your letting us know about this article. So true and important to acknowledge.