A reader asked for a post on this topic. What to do when you are feeling that desperate ache, when things look bleak or you can’t stop crying? I so relate to this question. I can write about it objectively but I’ve also been right in the middle of it.
First, know that this too shall pass. In most cases, the intense ache will last a few hours or at most days. In the meantime, just breathe through it. Practicing distress tolerance skills can be helpful. Try to practice radical acceptance — accepting that the feeling is what it is and it is out of your control to change it. Let it be and in time, it will pass.
Second, if and when you can, remember that desperation is a sign of lost hope. Try to reconnect with a tiny smidgen of hope. Remember that even if you are utterly and completely out of ideas, the world is not out of ideas. Remember that Hashem knows things you don’t. Think of a time when things were not going well for you and they turned around. Think of a person you know who was going through a hard time and then their life got better.
Using these tools, hopefully the feeling of desperation will be less scary to deal with and will soon subside. If you have other suggestions or perspectives, please feel free to share.
