When you move into an apartment, of course, the most important thing is who you are living with. What’s it like to live with roommates?
Before you sign on with a roommate, you should exchange references and look into each other. Really! Awkward as that sounds, it’s important and you should both do it. Also, you aren’t obligated to move in with someone just because you met them and they were normal. You can still take time to think it over and meet more people!
A roommate relationship is unique because it’s really a business relationship that can turn into a friendship and even a close friendship. But in order to manage appropriate expectations for everyone in the apartment, it’s helpful to view it first and foremost as a formal partnership (even if you have lots of fun together!). The reason for this is because when it comes down to it, you are sharing expenses and space and it has to be an arrangement that works for everyone. As mentioned earlier, it’s important to have various expectations in writing as a reference.
Every apartment has a unique dynamic but there are some things to keep in mind as a general rule. Each roommate needs to have the space and privacy to deal with their own lives behind closed doors. (White noise machines can be a great help). Some apartments are more formal than others. While generally things get more chilled with time, that’s not the expectation going in. Everyone gets to decide how much or how little to share about their family, job, dating, etc.
Apartment life can be really, really fun! We have roommate trips (Target), midnight ice cream parties, shidduch shmooze-fests…It doesn’t feel formal at all. However, at the same time we need to be mindful of our responsibilities towards each other and of giving each other space. Since a roommate is not a family member, though you can become close, you still need to make sure that your emotional needs are being met outside of your apartment.
What happens if two roommates decide it isn’t working out between them, or if one roommate doesn’t want to live with the other anymore? This does happen and it is tricky and sticky as I’m sure you can imagine. However, living arrangements that aren’t working for all parties do not have to continue. These conversations can be difficult, but sitting down and being open and honest about what you need is really important. (Of course there are times it is practical to part ways and times it is not. So don’t sign a lease with someone unless you really think it will most likely work out! It’s also crucial to communicate your questions and stipulations before you sign so everything is clear).
All in all I am so grateful for each of my roommates, for how much they have added to my life and what I have learned from them! Thank You, Hashem!
I hope this is helpful! Feel free to ask me questions about this!
