Hey, everyone. Time for part two of the survey review! I opened the floor to questions, and here I’ll answer many of them as best as I can.
How old are you?
Older than my average reader, apparently! But I started my blog about four years ago, and it’s interesting to me to kind of see the layers of experience build on each other in my writing.
Where do you live?
The New York metropolitan area 🙂 .
Do you live at home?
I did until fairly recently, so great question! I am hoping to write a series on apartment living, as I think that would be fun and hopefully helpful to a lot of people. I’m happy to answer questions on this topic.
Do your friends/family/dates know about your blog?
One of my friends encouraged me to start it, so obviously she knows. I also told another friend a couple years later, and another handful discovered it(!) and put two and two together. As far as I know, no one in my family(!!) knows about it! I have a lot of freedom in my writing because of the privacy so I don’t feel like talking about it with more people, but when it’s the right time, more people will be let into the circle. And my dates…I never told any of them. Yet. And that’s my litmus test. I’d like to believe that the guy I can share my blog with is the guy for me.
What’s next for AW?
Hopefully many more posts! I do want to explore using my content in other ways, but I have no solid plans for anything at this point.
What “type” do you typically date?
I always have a hard time with this question because it gives me “what are you looking for” vibes, but I powered through because it’s a fair question. There’s a bit of a range that I am open to dating but bnei Torah with strong learning backgrounds and professional aspirations are the general type we’re going for, how’s that?
Has your shidduch strategy changed over the years (i.e. not meeting with shadchanim, going to dating events, sending out a picture, etc.)?
Certainly. I used to meet with shadchanim very dutifully from before I’d ever dated until just around the time that COVID hit — in other words, for many years — fulfilling a duty to who, I don’t know. In the last year or so I basically retired that route. Now I’d only meet a shadchan if I thought there was a massively good reason but at the moment I don’t have one.
I went through a brief and inglorious period about five years ago when I attended a large number of speed-dating events; I realized it’s just not my venue and I don’t see myself trying again in the future.
I used to send pictures so as not to rock the boat but I don’t anymore, no sirree 🙂 and I cannot help if the boat is rocked.
I would say that overall my dating has become somewhat more casual over the last couple years, i.e. instead of doing a formal sit-down with my parents on the first date, the guy will just pick me up outside my house (now apartment) and sometimes I have shorter coffee dates. I find this makes me a lot less anxious before dates.
Are there any recurring issues you face in shidduchim (i.e. being rejected several times for the same reason or rejecting multiple boys for the same reason) and if so, how do you deal with it?
Sure. I’ve been rejected several times for certain reasons that got back to me (and numerous times for unknown reasons, I’m sure). The reasons that I know of are not things I can control, like being frummer or worldlier or brighter than what they’re looking for, and honestly I wouldn’t try to change any of that because I really believe I should be proud of who I am and what I have to offer. As far as rejecting multiple guys for the same reason, yes, there are certain specific things I need and I’ve gotten much better at saying no even when it feels like all I’m doing is saying no. It’s definitely hard and I honestly hate this part of the process. I struggle with stressing about what people are thinking or saying (“she’s so picky/unrealistic”) but on the other hand I know I did my time saying yes. So how I deal with this is basically reminding myself how difficult the alternative was, to just date to make people happy with me, and that’s not something I can continue to do.
What are your feelings/plan of action regarding fertility preservation?
I am so glad you asked because this is an important subject that needs more attention. A few years ago, I cringed thinking about ever having to seriously consider freezing my eggs, but now I feel excited about taking advantage of this option. I saw an ad for an A T.I.M.E. webinar I plan to attend, and iy”H, I hope to get the ball rolling on the process by my next birthday. Even if I am married in a few months, I may choose to freeze my eggs to potentially use down the line.
That’s all for now but if you have other questions, feel free to post them!!
Thank you for answering questions, especially the more personal ones!
I’m curious to hear more about your decision to move out.
Sure! The short answer is that it was very spontaneous — some friends called that they needed another roommate and I thought about it for a day and took them up on it! Longer answer is that I knew it would be good for me to move out — to have more privacy for handling my own shidduchim and in general to spread my wings more — and I had been keeping half an eye out for a place for about 18 months before my friend called. And she only called because about 18 months before I had told her that I was starting to think about moving!