A few weeks ago, I went to an open rehearsal of the New York City Philharmonic. I wanted to go for a while and all of my friends had work that day (and to be perfectly honest, a Philharmonic rehearsal might not be most of my friends’ idea of fun ;-)). I think I was the youngest member of the audience by several decades (as far as I could tell), which was kind of funny. I thought the rehearsal was beautiful! It was very much a work in progress, so the conductor stopped the orchestra often to give directions, but I’d never seen or heard so many musical instruments in one place (not to mention musicians).
Afterwards, I went out for lunch. I chose Noi Due because it’s a short walk from Lincoln Center and I wanted to try someplace new. As soon as I stepped through the restaurant door, my confidence drained right out through my toes. It was the layout of the place; it had more of a crammed, trendy feel and it just wasn’t that conducive to eating alone inconspicuously. (How ironic is it that “noi due” is actually Italian for “the two of us.” Aha! Excellent restaurant, by the way.) I considered fleeing. But I was hungry and I wanted a real meal in a real restaurant, and I didn’t want a little intimidation to keep me from doing what I’d come for.
I wish I could remember the waitress’s name now because right then, she was just about the kindest person alive. She sidled right up to me and whispered warmly, “Just you today?” “Yes,” I squeaked back.
I tried to look dignified. I slapped the Philharmonic program pointedly on the table (See this, people with friends? I have a life and I do cool things! You don’t have to feel bad for me!). I forced myself to keep my phone in my bag so I wouldn’t look too obviously alone and self-conscious. Then I noticed the engaged couple having someone take their picture at the next table, and something inside me curled up and burst into tears.
But I’ve eaten falafel alone in Geulah! I have a healthy self-esteem! This mortified loneliness can’t be real! Someone, please rescue me.
My meal arrived, and it really was delicious, but my self-consciousness was acute. It probably took a solid quarter of an hour for me to finally relax – and ultimately I had a pleasant sort of experience. I chatted a bit with two women next to me. I sipped lemonade. I’ll totally go back to Noi Due (with a friend).
I think dining alone has been an autonomy-builder and helped me have a closer relationship with myself. This particular experience was a misstep (wrong setting), but I don’t want it to stop me from trying again.
Do you ever eat out alone? Any thoughts on this?
(Photo Credit: Lincoln Center. The theater wasn’t nearly as packed at the rehearsal and it was very easy to choose a seat.)
