Recently, we had a family bar mitzvah. As I sat there Friday night, it occurred to me that the topic of being single at a family simcha is one of those that periodically creates a stir in one publication or another. Why? Well, because many things about being single create unnecessary stirs, that’s why.
In general, people tend to follow your cues. If you really don’t seem to be self-conscious about your marital status, the people around you are more than happy to disregard it as well. It’s like what we said about going to shiurim — just do what works for you and don’t be defined by external factors.
I honestly forgot that I’m in shidduchim. I just enjoyed it the way I would have in high school (or if I was married, I imagine). Caught up with relatives. Shmoozed with family friends. Went to davening to hear my cousin lein and sampled everything at the kiddush. There were always people to talk to or to watch. It was relaxing.
I know that in some families, being single for more than a few years is kind of an anomaly that no one knows what to make of. In that case, you need to keep reaffirming to yourself that you’re just as much of an adult as anyone else your age. The classic dilemma is what to do when you’ve been put on the kids’ table at age _____. Since you are not a kid, you don’t have to stay there. Just pull up a chair wherever you want to sit.
In my family, there are and have been a lot of relatives taking time getting married, so being single is not such a big deal. Still, I do have several younger cousins who are married with kids and it took a lot of personal growth on my part to be more okay with that.
Something that is really helpful is focusing on other people, and on the reason you are there. There are always people who would appreciate being noticed and spoken to. Kids love attention from older cousins. Take the opportunity to spend time with and observe elderly relatives. Compliment the baalei simcha. And remember that it is always a zechus for you to share with other people in their simcha!
P.S. Apropos of nothing, this exhibit is a must-visit for Harry Potter fans. I took my cousin a few weeks ago. We spent just under an hour there. The audio guide is unnecessary. Enjoy 🙂
