My friend and I went out for lunch after her one-hundredth date. We ordered ourselves a milchig spread and talked for over an hour, about how much we’ve grown over our years of dating, how we’ve learned how to make ourselves happy, how we’ve found teachers and books and learning modalities that have helped us develop. How proud we are of where we are now and how we wouldn’t trade our experiences for having had the chance to be a younger kallah, because our experiences made us better, stronger, smarter and more sensitive. We spoke about the unfortunate misconceptions that frum society has about the lives and happiness of singles. The advice we’d give our younger selves and younger sisters. It was an inspiriting conversation, and a great lunch.
That lunch and that conversation are the things I want of myself where I am today. Not giving up on finding the right one, but also having a good time. Building and nurturing relationships. Continuing to learn from others and from myself. Good going, kid.
And yes, my friend did go home and cry. Of course. It’s so painful to keep trying, keep opening yourself up to new people, keep hoping and dreaming and wishing – and be frustrated time and time again. But that’s the thing about feelings – they’re not mutually exclusive. So I’m glad we had the chance to celebrate together, too.
